Diary of a Holy Fool

With the intent to explore what is hidden, know the infinite, be receptive to the mystery, and open one's heart to the powers within.
Vincent
God's work is the actualization of the potential
Rumi
He is best to grant recompense and the best what is to be
Shams of Tabiz

The path of enlightenment is a journey of the spirit . It is one of discovering our true Self, the authentic being which abides at the very center of one's consciousness and attempts to answer the eternal question ", Who am I ", ?

Everyone arrives at that point in life when there seems to be a vast emptyness about us. Life seems to hold little or no meaning. Somehow we feel a sense of aloneness and detachment from all around us, And we wonder "', Who AM I " ?...." What am I doing here "?

This is my story and I refer to it as "The Diary of a Holy Fool ". In the ensuing pages I invite everyone to travel with me to explore what I came to know as the inner landscape. It is a journey of wonderment and surprises. It consists of peaks and valleys...and some plateaus when nothing seems to be happening.

I will begin in the valley . At a time when outward success was a distracting camouflage for the rumbling discontent bubbling beneath the surface of my consciousness. In time I would come to realize that I was having a crises of the spirit. ...and the desert abided within me.

An Opening

It was my custom to go out on Friday nights to enjoy a few drinks with friends.

A distraction I used to escape from the rumbles of discontent and disappointment that cast a shadow over my otherwise pleasant demeanor . But this evening or in the early morning hours, returning to my comfortable apartment on Manhattan's east side, a pall of sadness enveloped me. I had this feeling that everyone was going home to someone except me. That once again I was being left out of the game of life. " Where is my someone "?, I kept repeating to myself. " Is there something wrong with me "? and in the affirmative , There must be something wrong with me ".

Fixing myself a scotch on the rocks and lowering a Barbra Streisand record on the stereo,I hoped to lift myself out of this depression which had overtaken me. But Barbra's haunting voice only spiraled me into an ever deeper morass of gloom. Into a fathomless abyss I sunk deeper and deeper. In a panic I stumbled, with glass in hand, through the apartment looking for something holy something spiritual, perhaps a bible...but there was nothing in my entire book collection that answered my needs. Realizing for the first time that not even a bible had a place amongst my many books. The rooms reflected an emptiness I felt in me. Not able to withstand the cloud of helplessness which had conquered me and not able to suppress the avalanche of tears waiting release, I fell to my knees and pleaded with God not to abandon .

Like a dam that burst ,a torrent of tearstained words gushed forth," God, Dear God, do not throw me out on the slagheap of humanity...make use of me use me...use me", I cried pleadingly.

From the depths of my being the words broke the silence of the morning. I do not know from where they came but I do know they were heard because the crying ceased and a great peace washed over me. Like the calm after a storm I felt myself floating peacefully over a glasslike sea.

In hindsight I can say that I was reborn in the early morning hours of that silent apartment, while Barbra's haunting voice first stunned my failing spirits and then quieted my ailing soul.

I put myself in God's hands and now waited to know in what way God would use me to help and serve. To bring me to an awareness of Who I am and What is my purpose and function.

As this wave of peace swept through me I knew my prayers were answered. A calm, never before experienced, filled me totally, as I surrendered myself to be in service to the Divine.

F R E E D O M

Forever one forever free

I gaze upon the land of me.

The rolling hills and rising peaks,

Announce my being

For all to see.


A sparkling beach

Reflects the sun

My prints in sand

Its all of one.

In any place I chance to roam,

The universe is my home.

Companioned by the angels fair,

My course runs true

and ne'er alone.

For all the worlds abide in me

Immortal I of nature....FREE

Vincent

The Opening

When the student is ready the teacher will appear
ANONYMOUS
Is there no friend for me ?
Shams of Tabriz

Don't we all wonder if there is that special person waiting to fill the void in our lives ? And like Rumi's friend Shams, someone to bear our moods ,depressions , insecurities ,hopes and dreams ?
I harbored the feeling that everyone had someone to go home to but not me.
Little did I realize that "the friend " would appear in the most unlikely garb and in the most unexpected place...


Upon entering the Railroad YMCA in New York City, where I worked out regularly, I spotted an acquaintance all twisted up on one of the mats. He looked sort of comical and with a joking smile I asked him what was he doing . "Doing Yoga Man ,he replied ",with a mischievous grin.
"Yoga, what is that ?" Not even trying to hide my ignorance.
" This is Yoga Stretching..makes you feel good !"
" So what Would it do for me ? Now I am getting curious.
And with a real impish expression on his face, " Will keep you young forever !".
And that was the bait that pulled me into the practice of Yoga ....to be forever young !

Eventually this led to meeting my first spiritual advisor and friend a guru from the East ,Swami Satchidananda .

This is the story of my journey...The Diary of a Holy Fool.and my future guides Brugh Joy and ever constant companion Rumi .

May you find encouragement and guidance as you share with me the wonder filled experiences in the pages ahead. And of course, the Friend you are seeking..your very own divine Self who has been with each of us always...within.

Diary of a Holy

The purpose of this journal is to tell the story of a journey of self discovery.
A journey which began at least forty years ago when I stumbled upon Yoga ( (literally in a Y.M.C.A.) and jokingly asked an acquaintance who was all twisted up on the gym mat, what he was doing.
" Yoga , man, it'll keep you young forever ".
And that was the magic phrase.
I sought out the teacher he recommended and began Hatha Yoga sessions in order to stay young forever !

I did not realize at the time how much my life would change. Leaving a sucessful Designing career ( Women's Sportswear ) giving up my New York apartment and relocating to a tiny shack on the beach in Florida.

My intention was to heal through touch. I began with the study of Shiatsu in
New York City and moved to Florida to advance my skills with the study of Hoshino
Therapy.

This eventually led to further training which will be discribed in the pages to follow.

It is my passion for the great Persian poet Jelaludin Rumi whom I have been reading non-stop since 1993 and which inspires me to share this spiritual journey
with all kindred souls traveling the road to self discovery.
In every line, every phrase , every story Rumi gives meaning to experiences I have had over these years of seeking. It has been a fascinating adventure which I
invite you to join Rumi and Me on the path of this Holy Fool . With the hope that it will bring insights and inspiration to perservere as you allow Rumi to guide the way to Selfhood.